What to Eat on the Campaign Trail

1. Be prepared to swallow your own words. If you are unwilling to do so, you will look arrogant and few will relate to you.
2. It’s not only what you eat, it’s what’s eating you. It will show, especially if your face is broadcast on TV.
3. Anything that makes you look younger, older, thinner, fatter, warmer, colder, or whatever your most trusted advisor says the public wants.
4. Lots and lots of those chalky, round antacid products that contain calcium. I won’t give their name. Rhymes with mums. I think if there are people like me listening, you should keep your strength up, and calcium soothes the nerves.
5. Cliches. If you can come up with a fresh expression, you’re more likely to be elected. In a flash. Like lightning. Quicker than quick. In the blink of an eye.
6. Secrecy. Are you applying for this job? What will you do, if elected? Don’t hold back, ok? I can’t vote for a maybe this, maybe that. On the other hand, if you don’t quite know what you’ll be able to implement, please say so.
7. Anything that smacks of “poor, misunderstood me.” Would that fly in a job interview? No.
8. Sharp criticisms and/or mindless praises of your predecessor(s). We’ve heard both; we know both; we are lucky to be able to make up our own minds. Get elected on your own strengths and promise.